#Blacklove: You Want It, But Can't Seem to Find It

Have you seen the show #Blacklove on the FYI Network? Well I love this network and the shows tend to be very educational for me. This one in particular has given me SOME insight into being a single and successful woman of color trying to find what’s holding them back from finding love. At first, I was upset because, I thought that this show would portray powerful, women of color as not being able to find a man because they have an attitude problem, or that they are too needy or their standards are too high. I was surprised to find that these women share feelings that women of all races share. The only difference is that these women are brave enough to show the world, and to me that takes courage. Now, I haven’t been single for a long time so I have no idea how hard it is to date in the age of social media, where sharing every detail about your life is up for public approval. What I do know, is that when it comes to finding your true love, its hard work; not only during the search, but after as well. Here are some key things that may help:

MAKE SURE YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE BEFORE YOU START LOOKING FOR LOVE:

When looking for a mate, most people have a check list of what they are looking for. For example ethnicity, complexion, height, weight, dental hygiene, financial status etc. These are “surface attractions”. These are things that initially get you interested in getting to know a person. This list is good to have, but often times, people are too strict with this list. Here is where the problem lies. Don’t get me wrong, you should never waiver on something as important as dental hygiene (trust me, I have friends in this field and you won’t believe what they find in people’s mouths) LOL, but something like complexion or ethnicity often hold people back from finding a great person. Hey, I get it! You like what you like. There is no problem with that. The problem is when you see someone who doesn’t fit the “requirement” and you immediately shut them out. What I have found is that this action is often done subconsciously. Trust me people, vibes are real. Facial expressions and body language is real. But I understand that it’s hard to see yourself from other people’s point of view. I don’t know how many times my husband has said to me, “why are you looking so mean at everyone?” It’s not my intention, but it’s real to everyone around me. Bottom line is, be conscious of your vibe, it can prevent you from meeting great people.

SET YOUR STANDARDS, BUT ALSO PRIORITIZE THEM:

Be realistic in what you want. Look at it this way. If you know that you want to have children, make sure that this person wants them too. Now, I’m not saying have this discussion on the first date, but it does need to happen, when you both decide that this is relationship you see yourself in for a long time. On the flip side of this, is a standard that a person must make at least 6 figures. I know what you saying, “I need a man/woman that is financially stable.” This is very true, but lets me honest, if you don’t make 6 figures, you shouldn’t expect the other person to either. As long as they are able to make you feel comfortable when it comes to finances and stability that should be enough, because hunny-chile, that 6 figure job can be gone in a blink of an eye. Then what? Don’t get me wrong, money and finances play a huge role in relationships, but I have seen happier po couples, than happy rich couples…I’m just saying. There is no real advice that can be given here because everyone is different. The tricky part about this really comes down to how much you care about a person to want to compromise on some of your standards. The bottom line…BE TRUE TO YOU!

DON’T GIVE UP TOO MUCH TOO SOON:

This goes for EVERYTHING. In this day and age people are crazy! You hear me! CRA…ZY! The most important thing is to always follow your gut. If something doesn’t feel right, it’s probably because it’s not. With that being said, the biggest mistake women often make is giving up too much information about them too soon. Men like mystery and if you tell them everything within a short period of time there is nothing to intrigue them. Now, there is a HUGE difference between not sharing too much information and just having a wall up. We have all been hurt at some point in our life. You have to remember that this is NOT the person that hurt you. So don’t make them pay for that other losers mistakes. Again, be mindful of your vibe, and try to recognize the difference between being guarded or cautious and punishing someone who is trying to get to know you. It’s a fine line so do what makes you comfortable.

Same rule goes when talking about the goodies, purse, pocketbook, vi-jay jay whatever you want to call it. Let’s face it; there is a double standard that will never go away. I hear women say, “Men do it all the time, but when women do it there’s a problem.” You dag-on right there is a problem. Of course the THOT’s (I hate that term) of the world will do all the things you have too much self-respect and good home training to do…SO WHAT? Let her do it. If that man you are interested in leaves because you won’t just give up your prize after knowing him a short time, let him go. It’s easy to keep a man coming back for physical reasons; any woman with a vagina can do that. Your goal is to keep him coming back for what he can’t get in the streets from some random basic chick. That is your secret weapon. Use it! Then you can put it on him later…LOL

HAVE FUN!:

The truth about love is that we usually find it in the most unexpected places. When you're not looking, that’s usually when love smacks you in the face. You may want to get married now because your clock is ticking. Let me tell you that the ONLY clock that matters is God’s clock. So when He places the one He has kept for you in your path, you will know it. It will be natural, not forced in anyway. So relax and go with the flow, have fun on your journey, and don’t over think things. Let God guide you. I promise you won’t be disappointed. Now go out there and Live BLOUNT-ly!