Why Saying NO is OK

Raise your hand if you have ever been asked to do something that you really didn’t want to do, but did it anyway because it was a friend or a loved one? (Raises hand) It took me a long time to learn how to say no in certain situations and not feel guilty about it. Now if you are anything like me, you are known as one of the most reliable people on earth. This is a good thing, but it can also open the door to people taking advantage of your kindness. Here are some ways I have learned to say no and not feel guilty about it:

BE HONEST:

Are you saying yes because that is what friends are supposed to do? Do you really have the time or the resources to do what is being asked of you? Are you just saying yes because you would hope that the person would do the same for you when you are in need? These are questions you need to ask yourself and be honest about before answering the request for your assistance. Often times, we don’t evaluate the situation and just say yes because you should “treat others how you want to be treated.” But in reality that is rarely the case. If you are able to do what is being asked of you, great; if not it really is ok to say no.

PUT A STOP TO BEING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF:

When friends get used to you being “ol reliable” they don’t consider that you have a life outside of them. They probably don’t even realize that they are taking advantage of the fact that you will always be there. Take charge and let them know that you will not inconvenience yourself, to accommodate them. That’s not being a bad friend, its demanding respect from your friends. If they get mad, then they are being pretty selfish and not respecting your friendship. Being taken for granted is one of the hardest cycles to break in a relationship, but it has to be done. Trust me; it can only do one of two things: destroy a relationship or make it stronger.

IT’S OK TO BE SELFISH SOMETIMES:

I know this may sound bad, but honestly if you are always giving, giving, giving, why not give to yourself for a change. Even if you are able to do something that is asked of you and it wasn’t in your plans for the day (as long as it’s not life threatening) it’s perfectly ok to say no I can’t do it this time. Trust me, it will feel so out of character when you do it, and usually that’s when the guilt starts to creep in. Usually this is the time when you start questioning if you are a good friend. STOP IT! You are a great friend; you just needed to put yourself first this time. When this happens, it sends a powerful message to those around you who take you for granted. It can be a blow to friendship but like I stated before it can also be a building block. True friendships can weather the uncomfortable moments and come out the other end stronger.

SAYING NO CAN HELP:

Think about it, if you always saying yes to that friend who asks you to do something all the time it doesn’t help them grow. Here is what I mean. By saying no, you force them to come up with other options to rectify the problem. God forbid something happens where you really cannot help them; then what? Saying no, can help them grow as a person. So don’t think of your no as a bad thing. God says no to us all the time, it doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing. When it’s all said and done, no one really wants a yes man. Be true and genuine in your relationships, that’s how they become more rewarding.

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