Is It Love or Lust?

I don’t believe in love at first sight…yeah I said it! I believe in lust at first sight though…Let’s be BLOUNT about it...you would never give a person the time of day if you didn’t like what you saw. When I first saw my husband, I was in love with him. That man is fine ya’ll… I loved everything about him (I still do by the way): his eyes, his smile, his body, the way he smelled, the way he laughed, I can go on and on. Newsflash…that was NOT love that was lust! I’d say that lust can often lead to true and everlasting love but you have to know the difference so that you are not wasting your time trying to find love where only lust exists. Here are a few things to take notice of:

CONVERSATION CONTENT:

Let me just say this….there is nothing wrong with a little nasty talk every now and then…but errrrr…ummm if you just started…what ya’ll young people say…kicking it and that’s all you guys talk about, that’s a problem. In a world that is so centered around sex, people think that it needs to be the topic of every discussion. That’s not true and you shouldn’t accept it if you are looking for love and not just a booty call. When my husband and I started dating, we used to sit in the car for hours just talking and enjoying each other’s company. He would often blame me for not being able to make it to his 6am workouts or 8am class for that matter LOL. What I can say is that he never disrespected me by bringing up something sexual with every other word. I’m not saying that he didn’t try to feel on my booty while dancing to Biggie’s “one more chance” but when I stopped him (Lord knows I didn’t want to) he respected me. That was a test to see how far I would let him go when we just met each other. That is where the standards are set. Even to this day, 20 years later our conversations have substance and we often laugh about things we talked about as young teenagers dating. The bottom line is to make sure that your conversations contain information that allows your relationship to grow beyond the physical attractions.

DATE ACTIVITIES:

Listen up people, dating is important! My husband and I go out on dates often. It’s just as necessary today as it was 20 years ago. Gentleman, take young ladies that you’re interested in out on dates that create memories; and ladies accept dates that allow for memories to be made. For example, if a first date consists of dinner and movie, that’s great! But if the movie is on his amazon fire stick and he orders take out from the Chinese restaurant, take note! Linda listen… I’m not saying don’t go because it could be the most romantic date you’ve ever been on…side note: make sure you have a person who knows where you are and that you feel comfortable in the other persons space. What I am saying though, is that if you allow this to become a habit it could be problematic down the road (i.e. he’s super cheap or worse he’s dating someone else and just wants to smash the homie). Set your date standards early (no not the dollar amount they spend) and be willing to compromise sometimes if it’s out of your comfort zone. Some of the best dates and memories made are on dates you thought you would hate. My first date with my husband was to see Jamie Foxx (when he did comedy) and to dinner. We made so many memories on that date, like him driving on the grass in front of my dorm to pick me up, the Usher song that was playing on the radio on the way home (Nice and Slow), to us getting lost and being pulled over by the police. Yes my soon-to-be husband went all out on that date to impress me. Obviously it worked LOL! I said all that to say be open minded but also be observant as to whether the other person is looking for love or lust, it can be easy to confuse the two.

In the end, everyone wants to be loved and sometimes lusted after. The questions you have to ask yourself are simple, what is it that you want from a potential partner? Is it just sex? Is it love and a long term relationship? My personal belief is that everyone should go into every relationship expecting be loved in some capacity. It doesn’t matter if it’s a friendship or a relationship, know your worthy of love and not just lust, because lust fades but each time you are loved (no matter how the relationship ends) you made a lasting impact on that person that cannot be forgotten. Lust can be forgotten in the scroll of a timeline. So with that being said, be mindful of the signs, be open to change, be accepting to love and always, always…..

LIVE BLOUNT-ly