Asking Friends For Favors

Have you ever sat down and asked yourself, why you don’t ask certain friends for certain favors? I mean think about, they are your friends you should be able to ask them to do almost anything for you without hesitation. We grew on sayings like “you never know unless you ask”, “closed mouths don’t get fed” or how about this one “ask and you shall receive”. Truth be told, I am only comfortable asking a handful of people to do anything for me; but why is that? Here are my thoughts on this:

YOU JUST DON’T WANT TO INCONVENIENCE ANYONE:

If I ask anyone to do anything, trust and believe it’s because I genuinely need help or I want you in my presence. It’s in my nature to think about the logistics of a favor before I ask. For example, is the day of the week convenient for everyone, is the cost too high, is there enough time allotted for travel, is the location accommodating and so on and so forth. I’ve come to realize that not everyone takes this much thought when asking friends for favors. Most people are like if it’s not convenient then oh well, or if they can’t do this for me they not a good friend. I’m not saying it’s not ok to be selfish sometimes, because your real friends will show up or help you out if they can. Let’s face it you can’t please everyone and not everyone will be available at the exact time you may need them. All I’m saying is sometimes you have a better experience when you consider others when making decisions.

YOU HAVE BEEN LET DOWN BEFORE:

We all have those friends who are not reliable. Over the years you have seen a pattern of them not showing up when asked, or when you ask they give a heavy sigh or pause with too much hesitation. So what do you do? You either stop asking (and they get mad about that) or you continue to ask and they continue to let you down. I believe that how you continue in this situation is a personal choice. So many factors come into play with this scenario because depending on the relationship with that person and how forgiving you are, will be your guide in dealing with this.

YOU WANT TO SAVE YOUR FRIENDSHIP:

This one is kind of weird because you should be able to ask anyone you call your friend for a favor right? Well peep this… have you ever thought that maybe you don’t ask certain friends for favors because you don’t want that person to ever have the opportunity to disappoint you? You value that friendship so much that you don’t ever want to set your heart up to be hurt. Now again, why would you feel that a friend would let you down? I’ll tell you…because they are human…Point…Blank….Period! At any given time, someone has the opportunity to disappoint you…the difference here is that you don’t want to give them a chance to do so. Contrary to popular belief this feeling just doesn’t come about on its own. Maybe this person has never disappointed you, but I can bet at some point you have seen them disappoint someone else they called a friend. Think about that for a minute. You subconsciously remember a time where you questioned if that person has the ability to let you down and you don’t want to be on the receiving end of that. So you would rather not ask at all.

YOU DON’T WANT IT HELD OVER YOUR HEAD:

Don’t you hate it when someone does you a favor and at a later date they remind you of what they did for you? We all have friends in our circle like that. Whether they are wearing their petty hat for the day or they may just be “that person”, no one wants to feel like their friend only did something for them to get something in return, or to feel like you owe them something because they did what a friend should do in the first place. I hate to hear when people say things like, “I invited you so you should buy me a drink.” Come on really??? How did you know they weren’t going to do it anyway out of appreciation for the invite? This is a huge reason why people don’t ask certain friends for favors and personally I think it’s sad. Do better people!

YOU ARE TIRED OF COMING THROUGH FOR OTHERS WHEN THEY DON’T COME THROUGH FOR YOU:

Old reliable is what I was called a few years back. I’ll never forget having a conversation with an old friend I had admired for a long time. I walked into the room and she said here comes Old Reliable. I took it as a compliment because I mean, who wouldn’t want to be described as such? At that moment, I started laughing and asked, why did you call me that? She said because over the years I’ve known you, if no one shows up, I know you will, even if the gesture is not reciprocated. I thought about that for little while and found it quite sad for a few reasons. I do things for people out of the kindness of my heart. I try to treat people the way I want to be treated, so if my friends ask me to do something for them or be there for them I do everything in my power to be there. Does that make me soft? No, it makes me who I am. Lesson here: Don’t stop being you because others take you for granted, channel your energy to those who appreciate it. God will bless you and you will continue to be a blessing to others.

The reality of it is that we have certain people in our lives for certain reasons. It is very hard to find what I call a “Whole Friend”. A person you can truly be yourself around with no judgement, fully trust and know that they will always have your back and be honest with you. My suggestion is to hold on tight to those people and never take them for granted. A part of growing relationships is to recognize your particular role in each other’s life. You can either accept that role or move on but the important thing is that you are in CONTROL of the vibes you keep in your space. Once you control that part of your life, the happier you will be. My challenge for you is step out of your comfort zone, swallow your pride, throw away your preconceived notions and ask that friend for a favor when you need it. They may surprise you in a good way (at least I hope they do). Oh Oh Oh and remember a no is not always a bad thing…but that’s a whole other blog post…Until next time, make sure you tell people you love them, just be nice and most importantly…

LIVE BLOUNT-ly