A Few Rules to Friendship

Having a small circle of people you consider your closest friends is a blessing to have. I must say that I am truly blessed. In a perfect world everyone in your circle will get along and disagreements will never happen…notice I said in a perfect world. We all know that this is never the case. So what happens when you are caught in the middle of a spat between two people you care so much about? How do you proceed being the best friend you can be to both when each one wants your loyalty? How do you help them heal because you know they love each other too? These are questions we all may be faced with at some point in our lives. We wish we can turn back the hands of time, and erase the events leading up to these situations or better yet handled the whole thing differently. Well we know that can’t happen so how do you move forward? Here are some things that may help:

DON’T GET INVOLVED IF IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU:

If two friends are having an issue, leave it at that…their issue. There is no need for you to give your opinion or interject unless you are asked, and even then, it’s up to you if that is something you want to do. Giving your opinion on something can lead to one or two things: you help solve the issue or you being caught up in the mess, and if the latter happens there are a few things you have to do…

OWN YOUR ACTIONS:

Whatever part you played in the situation, own up to it. Admit your faults, ask for forgiveness and move on. This doesn’t mean that you take blame for something you have no control over, such as the other person’s reactions to your actions. You can only own what you did, hope that the other person is mature enough to forgive you and respect the fact that you are taking responsibility for your wrongdoing.

TELL YOUR FRIENDS WHEN THEY ARE WRONG:

Telling your friends when they are wrong is sometimes a hard thing to do. You may even lose them as a friend, but not telling a friend when they are wrong can lead to bigger issues down the road. Most of the time we can’t see our own shortcomings and that is why you have friends. A TRUE friends will pull you to the side and say “you wrong for that sis.” Hopefully that will open up a discussion as to why you feel they are wrong so that they can see it from an outside perspective.

TRY TO UNDERSTAND BOTH SIDES:

When you are in the middle, it’s important to try and view the situation from each person’s perspective. Do not take sides. This goes back to being able to recognize when your friends may be handling things wrong and your ability to let them know in a loving way. Sitting back and observing while also acknowledging that there are different emotions and perspectives will help you to analyze if you even need to be in the middle just because they are your friends.

DON’T SAY YOU ARE OK IF YOU ARE NOT:

When the dust clears and you still feel a way, don’t say that you are ok when you really aren’t. We often make the mistake of trying to just move on without truly healing. This is a mistake. We have to understand that everyone heals in their own time, and you can only control how you navigate your healing process. Another thing, just because you may have moved on and healed doesn’t mean the other person has. It’s your job to be patient and allow that person to do whatever that is they have to do in order to get to a place they are happy with. Unfortunately this may mean that they may never speak to you again and you have to be ok with that.

FORGIVE, EVEN IF THE OTHER PERSON DOESN’T DESERVE IT:

Some of us are more forgiving than others. Some people can hold a grudge until they leave this earth. This is something they have to carry, it shouldn’t be your burden as long as you have apologized for your actions. When you forgive a person who hurt you, then you have freed up so much space in your life for new blessings to come in. When someone has done something that hurts so badly, the power to truly forgive is an unexplained freedom and testament to your growth. Now don’t get me wrong, some things are just unforgivable and it’s up to you to determine what forgiveness looks like to you. Forgiveness DOES NOT always mean going back to the way things were. When dealing with those that are close to us we have to make sure that we handle with care, love patiently, think open-mindedly and…

Live BLOUNT-ly